XKCD

Lungs! Gouleeeeeeeet!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/10/30/obit.robert.goulet.ap/index.html

Too soon?

Good Gracious Ass Is Bodacious

So I stumbled upon this greatness and I threw up on my keyboard. Screw pulled pork we are making this bastard child of doom!!!!!

Expect this to be on the prefix menu at Le Bernadine. I imagine an earthy chianti would go well with it.

The gun is obviously used to protect this delicious meal from the rest of the world. Everyone wants it!!!!

Edit: So I tried uploading these frakking pictures like 4 times and can't so just click on the link.

Love

XKCD

Halle 'Hit-And-Run' Berry and James 'Big Tea' Lipton

Halle Berry proves what a class act she is once again:
"According to one audience member, "She introduced the first photo by saying, 'Here's where I look like my Jewish cousin!' - it was a picture of her with a huge, distorted nose. No one laughed, and Jay nervously said, 'I'm glad you said that and not me.' When the show aired, they cut out her 'Jewish' comment and added a laugh track to the bit."
Of course on the other hand this isn't wildly different from Asian Matt.

And from James Lipton's autobiography:

"This was when I was very very young, living in Paris, penniless, unable to get any kind of working permit... I had a friend who worked in what is called the Milieu, which is that world and she suggested to me one night, `Look, you'll be my mec... We would translate it perhaps... as pimp. We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say."
And...
"I had to accompany my clientelle to the Rue Pigalle, which is where these things occurred. And then I'd take them up to the room and I had to remain there because they were very nervous, they were young Americans for the most part... and they didn't speak French."

And now back to my old tricks...

From CNN's article on the fires in southern cali. This bits on how people evacuating their homes and fleeing the flames are being made comfortable at nearby shelters: Free newspapers were available

Oh good, that's just what refuges from the inferno need, kindling.

Technoviking

Just a little video Jeff took while in Germany that misteriously he only shared with me. (I guess I'm just better friends with him than you guys.)

The Ninja Made a Movement!

I know I only ever post videos of shit with little to no comment. So I'm doing it again!



A jetpack... operation!

From BBC online's Headlines

Six Elephants Die After 'Stampeding into Electricity Pylons'

Boy, I bet they won't forget that anytime soon.

Papelbon Demonstrates Proper Lifting Technique

You see? Lift your catchers with your knees, never your back.

DIRTY WATER!!!!!!

i'm old ash!

Pluto is No Longer a Planet!

A buddy of mine put this together after Pluto's downgrade.

Nux Plus Ultra

A fish on a stick two sticks
An S on its side like a snake



(Compared to a lit past tomorrow has no color)

Oil
And
$acred €odes



91 1P
C I I I I D
C D
0 0
W

80's Hip Hop

Anyone know this song, it went something like this: B stands for... Bronco's, BMW, Base, Bangoes and a pair of balls, you see us coming on down the alley we act like we are stars. We're not trying to make a joke, we're just trying to make it known, to the people of the world that b-girls like the bars on a Cadillac brougham.

Jeff, if you can't figure it out I'm sending that picture of you and that guy you terrorized with acid to the department of homeland security.

Jeffrey Habblabibinloden

And Jeff was never allowed on a plane again.

A Pimp Named Herr Von Kleinenstein

This is the sort of thing that has never happened to me. I was at the 4th and 9th st subway stop in brooklyn going up the stairs to transfer to the F train when the very pretty black lady that sits in my car turns to hand something to her son (there's always like a six year old boy with her). I try to move out of the way so her son can get it but she makes that insistent, 'this is for you' motion with her hand. I take it and she said something about the word 'look.' Anyway she goes up one flight of stairs I go up the other and I'm wondering why she handed me trash from her pocket but when I look its her name and number.

Feeling a bit proud of myself. Anywho, thankful I'm very in love with the beautiful Guhnelly otherwise this would have been quite tempting.

Skeleton!!!!!!!!!

Check out a present Amber gave me!

I have my very own skeleton! HOORAY!!!! I went to Excelsior to eat with Amber and my parents tonight and it was really good. I had a Rabbit duet. I love eating game, even more so if its Monopoly because it takes a long time and nobody finishes it. So more for me!!!!

Fake Edit - Folks in upstate New York or New Shaven, what are y'all doing friday night this week?

Love,
Jeff

to jeffrey with love

so today is jeff's birthday. my gift? a google image search for "happy birthday jeff!" (yes, with the exclamation mark). so, happy birthday jeff. may these pictures provide you with a feeling of growth on your special day.












oh, this is from matt too. he actually got you something, but it got lost in the swirling black vortex that is our house. i'm sure we'll find it sooner or later.

Wow. Just wow.

http://www.wpxi.com/news/14342073/detail.html

Police said the woman, whose name has not been released, feared her husband was cheating on her. They said she went to spy on him by crawling under an SUV outside her husband’s alleged girlfriend’s house in the 1300 block of Oakridge Street.

She apparently fell asleep under the vehicle and became trapped after someone let the air out of the tires.

Don't be that girl. Just don't.

.

Ok this makes me feel better

from thesuperficial.com

Lindsay Lohan is out of money. Apparently her coke and booze sprees have cost her millions, and her three stints in rehab haven’t been cheap either. News of the World reports:

And now the 21-year-old is so skint she can't afford her own place—and has become a lodger at a rich pal's mansion. Her extravagant spending spree includes:
* A MILLION dollars on just one hotel bill
* $137,000 in rehab costs as she battles her hopeless addiction to drink and drugs
* THOUSANDS more in legal fees after multiple drink driving convictions.

We can reveal that after jetting back to Los Angeles this week following her two-month stay at the Utah's Cirque Lodge rehab clinic, Lohan is staying in the guest house of billionaire Tom Gores, executive producer on her recent film I Know Who Killed Me.


Lindsay shouldn’t feel too bad because I hear Britney is running out of cash too. I mean, she has to be. I’m not an accountant, but, based on my estimates, Britney spends at least $1.2 billion weekly at Starbucks. I’m not even factoring in the extra whipped cream. Maybe these two should buy a house together. Then they each can save some extra cash and do things together. Like try on make-up, pretend to read books or flash their vaginas at the paparazzi. You know, girl stuff.

Can this change the Sox's mojo after the birth of a two headed snake?

Bad Portents

Bad Portents. A two headed snake has been born, people, God is pissed!

I've got a Golden Ticket...

So Ginny and I went to the premier for the trailer of 'The Golden Compass' which is the first of a wonderful trilogy of books that is being adapted to the big screen. It was Rockefeller center and their was free ice skating. It wasn't a very nice day out so I wanted to blow it off but Ginny insisted and we went. We stood around for a while then went ice skating. Sam Elliott was there (the cowboy in the Big Lebowski, the Malboro Man in Thank You For Smoking) and almost immediately before the trailer it started raining pretty hard. Still we stuck around. The trailer made the movie look promising and it was a very good night.




While we were getting our skates Ginny commented that she really wanted to win the raffle they were having. I looked around and did some quick figuring in my head and guessed that we probably had a 1 in 50 chance of winning. There was a low turnout due to the weather, a lot of the people there were employees of New Line and ineligible and you had to be there for the drawing to win. Further it seemed like only the people ice skating had accesses to enter. So 1 in 50, not bad odds.

Anyway Sam Elliott draws the ticket out and he has trouble reading the name. The MC says the person must have bad handwriting and Ginny says, 'Shoot, I have good handwriting,' I whispered to her, 'Well, yeah or it could be a funny name.' Sure enough a moment later Sam Elliott announces the winner 'Guhnelly Ligon'

Gin gets a hug from Sam I shake his hand and we're off to go find out about the price. Two round-trip tickets to London, hotel accommodations and two tickets to the premier. All in all, it was a pretty good Tuesday.

companion

Kitty is so fucking awesome. He eats butter non-stop, sleeps in our non-working fireplace (cave cat), howls like an orphan, can tell fancy feast from not fancy feast (is a connisseur), sleeps in the corner under the 6 foot birch branch with christsmas lights on it (magic tree), slams his face into his brush way harder than what would seem comfortable and generally makes the world (our house) a better place to live in. kitty is fucking awesome. oh, and so is the NEW RADIOHEAD. fuck.

Poetry, Prophecy, Geometry

"The fortuitous encounter on a dissecting table of an umbrella and a sewing-machine." (Isidore Ducasse)

My Daemon

I know Ashley knows what's up. So you guys are supposed to determine if this is a good animal for me. It may ask you to answer some questions about me. No more than twenty. I have mixed feelings on the result. On the one hand I'm allergic to cats and not much of a cat person. On the other hand when I tripped in High school I thought I was a tiger and also as described on the site I'm not really a dog.



Oh and waaaaay cooler The Golden COmpass related news to follow.

The Land of Deutsch

So I just flew back from Germany and boy are my arms full of souveniers and wine! I was getting down to bidness for the most part, but I also spent a day or two driving down the Weinstrasse, which is a road through miles of vineyards in the Rhineland. Here is a representative picture of what it all looks like:



A few notes about this pictures: 1) You probably can't see me in the picture because I'm wearing my vineyard camo, but I'm there (look to the center left), 2) I'm trying to take a picture of myself using my cameras timer and I still don't seem to know I'm having my picture taken, 3) Its really pretty there. Here are two more small pictures I took that prove the third point. Click em to make em bigger.






I spent the one free night I had in a town called Speyer, where I wandered into a festival of sorts. I don't really speak the language and I'm as American as the next guy, so I didn't bother finding out what it was about. Anyway, there were booths and booths of weinguts so I partook in drinking more local wine, only this time in an historic setting instead of pastoral. Here's a crappy picture of what that kinda was like. Note the 600 year old (I think) gate in the distance.

To finish my pointless travelogue, I'll point out that Germans make better bread and coldcuts than anyone else, their doors open in the wrong direction (push to get into a building or room), and the ease in which one can find döner kebap there is amazing.

Hey, all of those example labels they show apply to my post! Especially scooters.

Mike Mussina

Yankees Pitcher Mike Mussina bends over to take it in loss to Indians.

Hitting Coach Don Mattingly Saw the Problem Right Away

Hitting Coach Don Mattingly Saw the Problem Right Away unfortunately it was too late to save the game.

Get ze brooms out

Greatest baseball picture of all time?

houston

Uh...

...10 Ig Nobel prizes awarded Thursday night for quirky, funny and sometimes legitimate scientific achievements, from the mathematics of wrinkled sheets to U.S. military efforts to make a "gay bomb."

OK, so is a "gay bomb" a bomb that makes those it contacts gay? a bomb that only kills gay people or a bomb that's disguised as a large, vibrating pineapple?

The U.S. Air Force won the Ig Nobel Peace Prize this year for its proposal to develop a "gay bomb" -- a chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers want to make love with each other, not war with the enemy.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/10/04/ig.nobels.ap/index.html

Boy, if this technology really existed it would certainly deepen my fear of, and bring more meaning to the term, dirty bombs.

"What would Jesus do?"

Jesus would vagina meat.

VGCats

I like webcomics.

G-D D-MN -T

The girl that's shadowing me on my shift tonight has been listening to like, I dunno fucking Shaggy and Snow real loud all night long. What the hell is that?

SNL Actually Does Something Funny?

So this Saturday was SNL's season premiere and I actually caught a couple of the skits with Jeff and Amber. Is it weird that I want to start shaving lines in my hair like Kanye?

It is pretty funny stuff.



"It's got champagne in it!"

Does this sound bullshit-ty to anyone else?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/30/phoenix.airport.death/index.html

Headline: Woman may have accidentally killed herself after airport bust

"According to investigators, it appeared as though Ms. Gotbaum had possibly tried to manipulate the handcuffs from behind her to the front, got tangled up in the process, and they ended up around her neck area," he said.

When you're handcuffed with your arms behind her back your hands are near your hips. That's how its done. To bring them in front of you you have to past them behind your legs and over your feet unless you either 1) have no cartilage in your shoulders or 2) are willing to endure the horrendous pain associated with dislocating your shoulder. And even if you've managed to endure 2, or were born a freak like 1, what exactly would you be doing with your handcuffs that would wrap them around your throat? "Ok, now if I could just squeeze my wrists out of these cuffs, damn I need more leverage, I know I'll push the metal chain against the softest part of my body which is crucial for both breathing and blood flow. Oh no! I'm dead!"

In other news, I'm totally going to Tase Chu next time I see him.