Me: Good evening, thank you for calling the (hotel name), how can I help you?
Caller: Hey, what's on a New York Strip steak?
Me: I'm sorry?
Caller: What's on a New York strip steak? Like cheese, or what?
Me: This is a hotel, why are you asking me about steak?
Caller: 'Cause I wanna know what's better, a Philly cheese steak or a New York strip steak. So what's on it?
Me: It's a cut of steak. It's kind of steak.
Caller: Well I'm from Philadelphia and I want to know which you think is better!
Me: They're not really the same. One's a cut of steak, like filet mignon, that you'd have at a nice restaurant, the other's basically fast food.
Caller: Oh.
Caller hangs up.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Harry Potter Masturbates as read by Stephen Fry
SUPER NSFW! This is pretty filthy, but rather funny: Harry Potter Re-Mix
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
my Wife's new hobby.
As some of you no doubt know, my lovely wife and I have been going to a lot of fancy dress parties that feature burlesque since, well, August I think. At some point, we started attending other burlesque venues and generally getting interested in the whole burlesque scene here in New York. Gin, in particular, became very enamored with it.
Well, she decided to sign up for some classes and discovered she has quite a knack for it. Her teacher encouraged her after only one class (the only one in the class she encouraged in this way) to partake in the student showcase, she also gave Gin the chance to Go-Go dance at the Slipper Room, a burlesque bar on the Lower East Side… this is how I found myself, about a month ago, sitting at a bar, on a bitter cold night wondering just how many people would soon be gazing upon my half-naked wife.
The answer, it turned out, was quite a few. The night began slow, the weather keeping people in doors, but Gin never-the-less took the stage and started dancing. A second girl was supposed to be there and the two were meant to dance in shifts but the other girl never came. Instead, Gin danced in a corsety-thing, a tutu, bloomers and thigh-highs for an hour and a half before removing the tutu and the bloomers.
The crowd, and by the end of Gin’s incredibly long set, it was quite a crowd – the place was packed – loved her. I sat at the bar, the staff was really cool and kind of kept me company at first until it got crowded, occasionally feeding me free drinks and just being laid back – perfect to make the husband of a first time dancer feel a little more comfortable. From my seat my view was frequently blocked by men and women who were rising to get a better look or give her a tip.
It’s not like stripping. Well, it is stripping, but what I mean to say is that it’s not like being a stripper at a strip club. She’s up on a stage and there she stays. They’re down in the audience and there they stay. They come up to tip her, which is a little weird as it doesn’t change her behavior, but I suppose it’s nice. My favorite moment was when I over heard a woman encourage her man to “Go give the girlie money,” and handed him some cash.
Ginny found the situation exhilarating. My nervousness faded as the night went on, and, as it did, I began to find it exhilarating too. (After all, though it may not be acceptable to talk about ordinarily, who can deny that they enjoy the feeling that strangers are jealous of them? Or the giddy little thrill you feel when someone acknowledges that they find you alluring – even if you’ve no interest in them what-so-ever, is it not pleasant?)
Of course, the evening was not a total win, Gin did, at one point, step off the small stage and land rather roughly. She didn’t fall, but it tweaked her ankle just a bit…
We left the bar walking on air. Or, I suppose, in my case, staggering on it.
The next night was the student showcase. We had prior plans, but Ginny wasn’t going to miss it, so even though many of our friends gathered at our apartment for a holiday party we weren’t there… we were back at the Slipper Room. Ginny had asked to on early, but when we arrived we found at that she was going last!
At my wife’s request, I took a seat near the front. Some how, in my head, I thought that this was just going to be husbands and boy friends sitting around watching their girls- that it wouldn’t be a real show. I was wrong.
Before the show began I had another beer. The school’s head mistress, a stunning little redhead who goes by the name of Jo Boobs was busily moving back and forth between the stage and front room. She looked incredible in, and forgive me because I don’t really know fashion history as well as I should to write this, a 20-40’s style skirt and blouse. Her makeup and hair, perfect – not over the top, but somewhere between pinup glamorous and casual – and I remember thinking, as I caught a whiff of her perfume, “Jesus, no wonder this woman gives lessons on being seductive.” Were their Phd’s for such a course of study, I assure you, Jo Boobs over see their distribution.
The show hadn’t started yet. I already felt tantalized.
I had arrived early, at first the only other audience member was a very butch lesbian seated with a camera. This is fairly common sight at burlesque shows – not knowing much about lesbian culture, I asked a friend, because I found it somewhat surprising, and she explained that contrary to what men my like to think (I certainly have been guilty of this) lesbians usually aren’t attracted to the same kind of lesbian, it’s far more common for a girly-girl to like a butch-girl and a butch-girl to like girly-girls. It certainly would explain the performed audience member roles they seem to fall rather neatly into. I thought about attempting small talk, but something told me she would prefer to be left alone… so we both pretended to fiddle with our cameras and wait for the show to start.
It began with a performer I’d seen before- Gigi Lafemme. She did a very demanding routine, a lot of dancing and more than small amount of athleticism. She’s not a student, but rather a teacher and she set a rather high bar for the acts to follow. She’s an attractive woman, a real talent and a true pleasure to see live.
It was unclear to me how the next acts where chosen, as far as order, though I gathered from the introductions that many of these girls were the more advanced numbers.
Burlesque is stripping, but it’s not like stripping as I’ve said above. The act in burlesque is as important, if not more important than the performer- I’m told. Call me a philistine, but while I see talent in some acts, I never really drift to far from a shallow interpretation of events. Why am I telling you this? Well, it’s my way of saying you see more diversity in body and attractiveness, as well as in tone and content than you do at a strip club.
Case in point, while many of the first girls were good, I didn’t really feel titillated, shall we say, until Calamity Chang came on. Calamity’s a, well, she’s a very attractive lady. I’ll spare you the details, though you can find her on face book if you like (she uses the name Isabella Calamity Chang there, IIRC) and if you ever get a chance to see her use the fans, take it. She’s really got it down. Her dance takes on the rhythm of breathing- at least for me- and your whole limbic region, that ancient part of the brain associated with all of our basest animal instincts and desires, pulses with her fan’s feathers. Calamity closed the first act.
There was an intermission. Then more acts. I think Strawberry Fields was up first in the second set (I’m almost sure of it). Strawberry’s another real good looking lady- I think- I say that because, well, she was dressed as a man. Complete with beard, moustache and fake eyebrows. Somehow, she was still oddly hot. She did a number to a song sung by a man about wanting to be a girl, and as she did she stripped away the very nice suit she was wearing, along with the beard… the moustache, sadly, stayed. It was a really good act.
Gin managed to convince a girl to trade places with her, she went on next. I was a little nervous -she had practiced but this was different from go-go and, oh yeah, the show was open to the public and by now, the bar was, once again, packed – and this time she’d be considerably more than half naked. More like 90% I’d say…
The video I shot is on youtube and on her alter ego’s facebook page. I’m not going to post either of them here as both of our real names all over this page and we don’t want her real name to get “out there,” but Chuey and Bridget are friends with her on facebook, her stage name has the same initial for the first and last names. Friend, like the photos, say nice things, just don’t use our names!
The set went great. I developed a theory. The first act and the last act are your anchors. They’re the hot girls. Gigi, Calamity. Strawberry, Gin. I think it was a big compliment that they asked her to close the show… even though we were fighting the clock. I also wasn’t the only one who thought Gin was great. Calamity invited her to be in her show the next week.
And I’ll pick up here later. Because it had it's own new strangeness for me to deal with, this time sans booze. Also, currently, Gin's been selected by a lingerie website to model a bra and panty set on their website this month. If you find her profile it has more details. Just remember to upvote everything - and be cool don't say anything you wouldn't have said before... I sit in rooms full of strangers that do enough of that already.
Well, she decided to sign up for some classes and discovered she has quite a knack for it. Her teacher encouraged her after only one class (the only one in the class she encouraged in this way) to partake in the student showcase, she also gave Gin the chance to Go-Go dance at the Slipper Room, a burlesque bar on the Lower East Side… this is how I found myself, about a month ago, sitting at a bar, on a bitter cold night wondering just how many people would soon be gazing upon my half-naked wife.
The answer, it turned out, was quite a few. The night began slow, the weather keeping people in doors, but Gin never-the-less took the stage and started dancing. A second girl was supposed to be there and the two were meant to dance in shifts but the other girl never came. Instead, Gin danced in a corsety-thing, a tutu, bloomers and thigh-highs for an hour and a half before removing the tutu and the bloomers.
The crowd, and by the end of Gin’s incredibly long set, it was quite a crowd – the place was packed – loved her. I sat at the bar, the staff was really cool and kind of kept me company at first until it got crowded, occasionally feeding me free drinks and just being laid back – perfect to make the husband of a first time dancer feel a little more comfortable. From my seat my view was frequently blocked by men and women who were rising to get a better look or give her a tip.
It’s not like stripping. Well, it is stripping, but what I mean to say is that it’s not like being a stripper at a strip club. She’s up on a stage and there she stays. They’re down in the audience and there they stay. They come up to tip her, which is a little weird as it doesn’t change her behavior, but I suppose it’s nice. My favorite moment was when I over heard a woman encourage her man to “Go give the girlie money,” and handed him some cash.
Ginny found the situation exhilarating. My nervousness faded as the night went on, and, as it did, I began to find it exhilarating too. (After all, though it may not be acceptable to talk about ordinarily, who can deny that they enjoy the feeling that strangers are jealous of them? Or the giddy little thrill you feel when someone acknowledges that they find you alluring – even if you’ve no interest in them what-so-ever, is it not pleasant?)
Of course, the evening was not a total win, Gin did, at one point, step off the small stage and land rather roughly. She didn’t fall, but it tweaked her ankle just a bit…
We left the bar walking on air. Or, I suppose, in my case, staggering on it.
The next night was the student showcase. We had prior plans, but Ginny wasn’t going to miss it, so even though many of our friends gathered at our apartment for a holiday party we weren’t there… we were back at the Slipper Room. Ginny had asked to on early, but when we arrived we found at that she was going last!
At my wife’s request, I took a seat near the front. Some how, in my head, I thought that this was just going to be husbands and boy friends sitting around watching their girls- that it wouldn’t be a real show. I was wrong.
Before the show began I had another beer. The school’s head mistress, a stunning little redhead who goes by the name of Jo Boobs was busily moving back and forth between the stage and front room. She looked incredible in, and forgive me because I don’t really know fashion history as well as I should to write this, a 20-40’s style skirt and blouse. Her makeup and hair, perfect – not over the top, but somewhere between pinup glamorous and casual – and I remember thinking, as I caught a whiff of her perfume, “Jesus, no wonder this woman gives lessons on being seductive.” Were their Phd’s for such a course of study, I assure you, Jo Boobs over see their distribution.
The show hadn’t started yet. I already felt tantalized.
I had arrived early, at first the only other audience member was a very butch lesbian seated with a camera. This is fairly common sight at burlesque shows – not knowing much about lesbian culture, I asked a friend, because I found it somewhat surprising, and she explained that contrary to what men my like to think (I certainly have been guilty of this) lesbians usually aren’t attracted to the same kind of lesbian, it’s far more common for a girly-girl to like a butch-girl and a butch-girl to like girly-girls. It certainly would explain the performed audience member roles they seem to fall rather neatly into. I thought about attempting small talk, but something told me she would prefer to be left alone… so we both pretended to fiddle with our cameras and wait for the show to start.
It began with a performer I’d seen before- Gigi Lafemme. She did a very demanding routine, a lot of dancing and more than small amount of athleticism. She’s not a student, but rather a teacher and she set a rather high bar for the acts to follow. She’s an attractive woman, a real talent and a true pleasure to see live.
It was unclear to me how the next acts where chosen, as far as order, though I gathered from the introductions that many of these girls were the more advanced numbers.
Burlesque is stripping, but it’s not like stripping as I’ve said above. The act in burlesque is as important, if not more important than the performer- I’m told. Call me a philistine, but while I see talent in some acts, I never really drift to far from a shallow interpretation of events. Why am I telling you this? Well, it’s my way of saying you see more diversity in body and attractiveness, as well as in tone and content than you do at a strip club.
Case in point, while many of the first girls were good, I didn’t really feel titillated, shall we say, until Calamity Chang came on. Calamity’s a, well, she’s a very attractive lady. I’ll spare you the details, though you can find her on face book if you like (she uses the name Isabella Calamity Chang there, IIRC) and if you ever get a chance to see her use the fans, take it. She’s really got it down. Her dance takes on the rhythm of breathing- at least for me- and your whole limbic region, that ancient part of the brain associated with all of our basest animal instincts and desires, pulses with her fan’s feathers. Calamity closed the first act.
There was an intermission. Then more acts. I think Strawberry Fields was up first in the second set (I’m almost sure of it). Strawberry’s another real good looking lady- I think- I say that because, well, she was dressed as a man. Complete with beard, moustache and fake eyebrows. Somehow, she was still oddly hot. She did a number to a song sung by a man about wanting to be a girl, and as she did she stripped away the very nice suit she was wearing, along with the beard… the moustache, sadly, stayed. It was a really good act.
Gin managed to convince a girl to trade places with her, she went on next. I was a little nervous -she had practiced but this was different from go-go and, oh yeah, the show was open to the public and by now, the bar was, once again, packed – and this time she’d be considerably more than half naked. More like 90% I’d say…
The video I shot is on youtube and on her alter ego’s facebook page. I’m not going to post either of them here as both of our real names all over this page and we don’t want her real name to get “out there,” but Chuey and Bridget are friends with her on facebook, her stage name has the same initial for the first and last names. Friend, like the photos, say nice things, just don’t use our names!
The set went great. I developed a theory. The first act and the last act are your anchors. They’re the hot girls. Gigi, Calamity. Strawberry, Gin. I think it was a big compliment that they asked her to close the show… even though we were fighting the clock. I also wasn’t the only one who thought Gin was great. Calamity invited her to be in her show the next week.
And I’ll pick up here later. Because it had it's own new strangeness for me to deal with, this time sans booze. Also, currently, Gin's been selected by a lingerie website to model a bra and panty set on their website this month. If you find her profile it has more details. Just remember to upvote everything - and be cool don't say anything you wouldn't have said before... I sit in rooms full of strangers that do enough of that already.
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